How often does your day kick your butt??
For me, today was one of those days… yelling at the kiddos, (for little things) we just couldn’t seem to get on the same page since breakfast! And I wish I could have stayed in bed- honestly, the stress today is pretty overwhelming. Do you ever feel like you’re not in control anymore?
You know, sometimes, I’m on top of the world! I just wake up knowing I have all my sh*t together, and the day goes exactly as planned! But some days, I feel like I’m experiencing a 24-hr train wreck. All I can do is strap in and hope I survive!
Look guys, if you’ve read very much about me you know I’m a dedicated, single, over-ambitious, stay-at-home mom. My friends and family all live pretty far away, so I only get a few days a year of babysitting-
That means I’m a 24-7 mommy. And I just realized how my noble intentions in motherhood can have a serious negative impact on my kids!
They feel it. They absorb my stress, frustration, and hopelessness when I can’t get on top of my day. But what can I do? I’m only one person here!
So I’ve always just waited- waited for the time when I get to drop them off with relatives. Waited, for the time when the littles finally become more independent. Waited, until they’re asleep or enveloped in their tablet devices.
As much as I love being an ever-present mom, I’ve learned that my attitude, and sometimes my constant presence with the kids can be a BAD thing. They need a break from me sometimes, just as I need a break from them. (Visualize mommy rocking back& forth in a corner surrounded by crushed Goldfish crackers and crayons. It’s ugly.)
At 8:00 pm, burned out and fuming, I decided to take a new approach…
I read a few articles from younger people (likely with no children) about their Self Care routines. “What a bunch of wussies!” I thought-
These people must have never worked a double shift to make a car payment! They don’t know what it’s like to have two jobs to pay for an apartment and college at once…
But you know what? I ate my words. As a single full-time mom on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I Needed Some Serious Self Care.
So Here’s What Happened Next…
I over- organize everything. I love lists and planners. So I decided to SCHEDULE my ME TIME.
I thought about all the things I enjoy doing when I get Grandma on-call…
- Take A LONG, HOT shower
- Read self-development books
- Call my best friend and talk without interruption
- Find a new recipe to cook
- Tackle a DIY project on Pinterest
Read more about my personal favorite books and resources I use to be my best self!
These things let me know that I’m valuable. I’m not just here on planet earth to pour cereal and solve irrelevant quarrels.
Here’s how I scheduled those things that MATTER TO ME, and HOW I made it HAPPEN..
I had a conversation with my kids. They are 3 and 6 years old, and it was a mature, grown-up style sit-down.
I explained that it was a good idea for the three of us to “do our own thing” sometimes. I enthusiastically went on to say, that from now on, we will have a certain time of day- everyday- when each of us gets to do their favorite thing- alone. “Special Time.”
For my oldest, it was Minecraft of course. For my youngest, he could build with blocks, or play with his older brothers’ toys. Mommy would be doing one of my favorite things-
CATCH- anyone who invades another’s special time would have to go to bed- immediately. No activities. No attention. Just bed time.
I was skeptical about how this would work-
I’m sure you’re thinking “Good for you, but my kids are constantly in my business!”
I hear ya! And I must admit, it took a few Bedtime consequences to get the message across. But, I made a decision- about my own wellness. Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually, and I wasn’t about to let two toddlers take it away from me.
You will have to ENFORCE and DEFEND your self care routine. But I’m happy to say that I’m able to get that LONG shower now. I do 40 minutes of Pilates twice a week. I spend about one chapter, (or 30 minutes) per day in self- development books… And YOU CAN TOO!
The impact? The boys and I have become closer thanks to the “special time” we spend apart. We all feel accomplished– doing something on our own without having to fight for independence in the house.
No one can compete for mommy’s attention- because I’m not available at the moment.
And, when I come back to the kiddos, I feel more like myself. I feel valuable again!
I challenge you to do this at home. Brainstorm a few things you’d like to do without the kids, and make it happen. All of you DESERVE IT!
Sincerely Yours, Breezy
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